Navigating Life’s Crossroads: Making Choices That Align with Your Values and Bring You Joy
Life is a series of choices. From the moment you wake up to the time you go to bed, you are constantly making decisions. Some choices seem small, like what to eat for breakfast, whether to hit snooze or get up early and what to wear for the day. Others feel monumental, shaping relationships, careers and the direction of your life.
But whether big or small, every choice has an impact. Every decision you make is either moving you toward the person you want to be or away from them.
The challenge is that so many of these choices happen automatically, without us even realizing it. Some are habits we’ve carried for years. Other choices are responses driven by anxiety, fear or past traumas. Some feel so familiar that we don’t question them, even when they move us further from the life we want.
But what if you did start paying attention? What if you started making choices intentionally, in alignment with your values and having the kind of joy that feels fulfilling, not just fleeting?
Who Do You Want to Become?
Joy or happiness isn’t just about feeling good in the moment. They come from living in a way that feels true to who you are. They come from waking up each day knowing that your actions, big or small, are in alignment with what really matters to you.
Your ideal self isn’t a fantasy version of you. It’s the version of you that feels most authentic, fulfilled and at peace because you are living in alignment with what you care about the most. It is shaped by your dreams, goals and values. One of the first and most important questions to ask yourself is: Who do I want to be?
For example, if you’re seeking therapy to work through anxiety, your ideal self might be someone who feels peaceful, grounded and in control. If you struggle with people-pleasing, maybe your ideal self is someone who sets boundaries with confidence and respects their own needs. If you feel stuck in unhealthy patterns in relationships, perhaps your ideal self is someone who fosters deep, meaningful connections rather than tolerating relationships that drain you.
Many people come to therapy because they feel lost. They’re lost in anxiety, lost in self-doubt, lost in painful habits that no longer serve them. They may not recognize the person they have become or they may feel like they never really knew who they were to begin with. Others have a clearer sense of who they do not want to be but struggle to define who they do want to become.
If you are feeling stuck, ask yourself:
- What kind of person do I admire?
- What qualities do I respect in others?
- When have I felt the most like myself?
- What do I want more of in my life? Peace? Confidence? Connection?
- What do I want less of? Anxiety? Avoidance? Overwhelm?
Write it down. Picture it in your mind. These moments hold clues about what truly matters to you. Your goal is not to reinvent yourself overnight. It is to start making choices that move you toward the person you are meant to be one step at a time.
If you are still not sure where to start, think about different areas of your life.
In relationships: Do you want to be a person who sets boundaries with confidence or someone who continues saying yes to things that drain them? Do you want to be more present with your loved ones instead of feeling consumed by stress?
At work: Do you want to be someone who speaks up for themselves instead of staying silent? Do you want to feel fulfilled and valued instead of overworked and underappreciated?
With yourself: Do you want to be someone who treats themselves with kindness instead of criticism? Someone who makes time for their own needs instead of constantly prioritizing others?
Understanding Your Values
Defining who you want to be often starts with understanding your values. Your values act as a compass, helping you recognize whether your daily choices are moving you toward or away from the life you want.
If you are struggling to define your values, stary by paying attention to moments when you feel either deeply fulfilled or frustrated.
Ask yourself:
- When do you feel the most alive?
- When do you feel the most drained?
- What activities leave you feeling proud?
- What situations make you feel like you are betraying yourself?
These moments reveal what truly matters to you. Journaling about them can help you identify the patterns that point toward your core values.
Joy and fulfillment come from making choices that align with your values.
Defining your values helps you to recognize:
- Which decisions are leading you toward your ideal self.
- Which decisions are pulling you away from the vision.
Once you gain clarity on your values, you can begin making intentional choices that align with them. Over time, this leads to a life that feels meaningful, authentic and deeply fulfilling.
Are Your Choices Helping or Hurting You?
Every day, you make choices that either bring you closer to your values or further away from them. Sometimes these choices seem obvious. Other times, they’re subtle and disguised as neutral habits.
For example, if your goal is to feel less anxious and more at peace,
A choice that moves you toward that goal might be:
✅ Engaging in mindfulness or relaxation practices.
✅ Spending time in natural or forest bathing
✅ Challenging anxious or negative thoughts rather than letting them spiral.
Meanwhile, your away choices might look like:
❌ Avoiding situations that may feel uncomfortable or anxious, even if they align with your values.
❌ Engaging in compulsive reassurance-seeking or overthinking.
❌ Ruminating about past mistakes or worst-case scenarios instead of being present.
And it’s not just behaviors. It’s important to remember your mind is also making choices. You may not be able to control what thoughts pop into your head, but you decide how much power you give them.
A helpful way to manage these thoughts is through the Leaves on a Stream meditation. You can check out a guided Leaves on a Stream meditation on my Youtube Channel.
Imagine sitting by a calm, flowing stream. Leaves float gently down the water, one after another. As a thought comes to your mind—whether it is worry, doubt or self-criticism—place it on a leaf and watch it drift away. Some thoughts might stick around longer. Others might keep coming back. That is okay. Your job is not to force them away but to allow them to come and go without getting carried downstream with them.
This practice teaches you that thoughts are just thoughts. You do not have to believe them, act on them or let them control your choices. Instead, you can notice them, let them pass and refocus on what truly matters to you.
The next time you catch yourself overthinking or making a choice that does not align with your values, ask yourself:
Is this moving me toward or away from the life I want?
Creating New Patterns, One Choice at a Time
Making choices sounds simple, but in reality, it’s hard. When strong emotions or thoughts take over, you can become hooked and make poor choices. Especially when certain choices have become automatic. The way you respond to stress, avoid discomfort or interact with others may have been shaped by years of habit. When a choice becomes a pattern, you stop recognizing it as a choice at all.
Try this experiment: The next time you brush your teeth, use your non-dominant hand.
It sounds easy, but chances are, you’ll forget and revert to your usual hand. Why? Because brushing your teeth is a habit, something you do on autopilot. The same thing happens with behaviors tied to emotional responses.
- If you’ve always avoided conflict, saying “yes” to something you don’t want to do might feel automatic.
- If you’ve always struggled with self-worth, believing a critical thought about yourself might feel automatic.
- If you’ve always coped with stress by numbing out with distractions, avoiding your emotions might feel automatic.
But automatic doesn’t mean inevitable. You can make different choices—it just takes practice.
Joy Happens in Small Steps
Change doesn’t happen overnight. It happens through small, consistent shifts in how you respond to your thoughts, emotions, and daily decisions.
- If you usually avoid social situations out of fear, a small toward choice might be staying in a conversation just one minute longer than usual.
- If you often overthink before making decisions, a toward choice might be setting a time limit for your decision-making and sticking to it.
- If setting boundaries makes you anxious, a toward choice might be saying, “I need to think about that,” instead of immediately saying “yes.”
Even the smallest step toward your values counts. And the more you practice, the more natural these choices will become.
Moving Forward with Intention and Joy
Every day, you stand at a crossroads. One path moves you toward your values, your ideal self, and the life you want. The other path moves you away, keeping you stuck in old habits, fear, and avoidance.
Some days, making a toward choice will feel easy. Other days, it will feel impossible. And that’s okay. Progress isn’t about perfection. It’s about noticing when you’re veering off track and gently guiding yourself back.
So the next time you find yourself facing a decision, ask yourself:
“Is this choice taking me toward or away from the life I want?”
And if you’re not sure how to start or need support along the way, therapy can help. You don’t have to navigate this path alone.
If you’re ready to start making choices that align with who you want to be and your values, I’d love to help. Connect with me today, and let’s begin the journey together.
Judy Wang, LCPC, CPC is a licensed clinical professional counselor in serving Chevy Chase, Rockville, Bethesda, Potomac and surrounding areas in Maryland. She provides telehealth therapy sessions to adolescents and adults struggling with OCD, anxiety and trauma.