Unhook from Overthinking: ACT Therapy Tools to Live with Purpose
Key Takeaways
Getting “hooked” means letting thoughts or feelings control your actions.
ACT therapy techniques like defusion, acceptance and mindfulness help you create space from mental noise.
You can feel anxiety or doubt and still act according to your values.
Living with purpose means choosing intentional, value-driven action, even when emotions are intense.
Therapy can help you build awareness and resilience so you don’t have to unhook alone.
Every day we experience a constant flow of thoughts and feelings. These are important aspects of who we are but when overthinking takes hold, those thoughts can feel overwhelming. Instead of guiding us, they start pulling us away from the person we want to be and the purposeful life we want to live.
It’s easy to feel stuck, overwhelmed or even defeated when your mind feels like it’s always overthingking. But here’s the good news: you don’t have to stay hooked. Learning to unhook from difficult thoughts and emotions can give you the freedom to live with greater clarity and purpose. If you find that these patterns stem from trauma or feel overwhelming, seeking professional support can help you process and heal.
What Does "Hooked" Mean in ACT Therapy?
Being “hooked” means getting caught up in unhelpful thoughts and feelings that dictate your behavior, often in ways that lead you away from your goals, values or purpose in life. These thoughts can act like a powerful current, dragging you along and pulling you off course.
Maybe you’ve found yourself ruminating over the past by rehashing mistakes, regretting decisions or rewriting how things “should” have gone. Or perhaps you’ve been paralyzed by worries about the future and imagining all the ways things could go wrong. These overthinking mental loops are draining and often cause us to avoid life rather than live it with intention.
Feelings can hook us too. Have you ever avoided a conversation because it felt too uncomfortable, numbed out to avoid sadness or lashed out in anger? If you have, then you’ve been hooked by the pull of your emotions taking control.
How People Get Hooked by Thoughts and Emotions
Here are some ways you can get hooked by your thoughts or feelings:
- Ruminating about the past
This involves dwelling on things that went wrong or wishing you had done things differently. Although thinking about these things may seem productive, it’s actually preventing you from moving forward. As you relive these old mistakes, it reinforces feelings of regret and inadequacy.
- What if-ing the future
We’ve all been there. You worry and overthink about something happening or not happening; anticipating all the things that could go wrong which means you don’t do anything but feel more anxious. Thus, making it harder for you to be present and take proactive action.
- Reinforcing negative core beliefs
These are the maladaptive thoughts that you have about yourself. “I’m not good enough,” “I can’t do it” or “I’m unlovable.” These beliefs often become self-fulfilling prophesies influencing the decisions you make or don’t make.
- Reacting to Overwhelming Emotions
Feelings like anxiety, fear and anger can be overwhelming. Without the tools to manage the intensity of these emotions, it can become too much to handle. This can lead to avoiding, withdrawing or acting impulsively.
- Thinking of excuses
There are many reasons to be given as to why you do or don’t do something. Whatever these reasons are, they actually keep you from doing things that are important. Excuses can be valid but where do they take you? You want to have a better relationship with your partner but the excuse is I’m too tired. You want to make new friends but the reason you don’t is because you’re shy. These excuses hook you into inaction and away from living with purpose.
Why the Mind Gets Stuck in Thought Loops
The human brain is wired for survival and part of that means constantly scanning for threats. In modern life, these “threats” often show up as thoughts or feelings that our mind perceives as problems to solve. But not all thoughts and feelings need to be acted upon.
Our mind’s job is to think, not overthink. It generates thousands of thoughts daily, some helpful and others not. The problem arises when we treat every thought as fact or allow fleeting emotions and choose to allow them to dictate our actions. This can be a sign that you need treatment for anxiety.
What You Lose by Staying Hooked
When we stay hooked on unhelpful thoughts or emotions, it often comes at a significant cost:
1. We Lose Time and Energy:
Ruminating or overthinking can drain your mental resources. It leaves you exhausted and unproductive. Often times whatever we were ruminating on becomes a lot bigger than when we started.
2. We have Strained Relationships:
Avoiding or reacting impulsively to emotions can create tension in relationships. By avoiding emotions, you create emotional distance in a relationship. By acting impulsively, you can create a chaotic environment for your partner.
3. We Miss Opportunities
Fear and self-doubt can hold you back from pursuing your goals or dreams. In addition, it prevents you from trying new things and taking risks.
4. We Move Away from Living with Purpose
When hooked, you may act in ways that doesn’t align with your core values. It may actually take you away from your values and living with purpose, which leads to regret or dissatisfaction.
Build Awareness to Regain Control
Unhooking starts with awareness. Before you can change the way you respond to thoughts and feelings, you need to recognize when they’re controlling you. This might sound simple, but it’s often easier said than done.
Start by paying attention to moments when you feel stuck, overwhelmed or unproductive. Ask yourself:
- What thoughts or feelings are driving my actions right now?
- Are these thoughts helping me move closer to living with purpose or pulling me further away?
Awareness helps you see the hook for what it is, just a thought or feeling. Not a fact or command.
Building this self-awareness takes practice, but it creates the foundation for unhooking. Over time, you’ll begin to notice these moments more quickly and create space to choose how you respond.
ACT Tools to Unhook from Thoughts and Emotions
Unhooking doesn’t mean eliminating negative thoughts or avoiding difficult feelings. It’s about creating space to experience thoughts and feelings without letting them control your actions.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers practical strategies to help you unhook and move forward towards living with purpose.
1. Defusion: Creating Space from Thoughts
Defusion means stepping back and seeing your thoughts for what they are: just thoughts. Instead of treating them as facts, you learn to observe them with curiosity and not let them dictate your actions.
Try this exercise:
When you notice a negative thought, add the phrase “I’m having the thought that…” before it. For example, instead of saying, “I’m not good enough,” reframe it as, “I’m having the thought that I’m not good enough.” This small shift helps you see the thought as a mental event and not a truth.
2. Expansion: Making Room for Feelings
Rather than fighting or avoiding difficult emotions, expansion encourages you to make room for them. Picture your feelings as waves—they come and go like the waves on a beach.
Here’s how to practice:
When a strong emotion arises, pause and take a deep breath. Acknowledge and name the feeling without judgment. For example, I’m noticing anxiety or I’m having a feeling of sadness. Allow the emotion to be there without trying to change or suppress it.
3. Acceptance: Letting Thoughts and Feelings be Present
Acceptance takes this one step further. It’s not about agreeing with or believing your thought. It’s about acknowledging their presence without letting them dictate your actions so that you’re not living with purpose.
For example, you might have a thought like, “I’ll never be good enough.” Acceptance doesn’t mean you accept this thought as true. Instead, it means recognizing that the thought is there and allowing it to exist without resistance. You don’t have to fight it, fix it or dwell on it.
Think of your thoughts and feelings as passengers on a bus you’re driving. They’re allowed to come along for the ride, but they don’t get to control where you go. By practicing acceptance, you create space to keep moving forward towards living with purpose even when difficult emotions or thoughts are present.
Here’s how to practice:
Sit or lie down in a quiet place. If you’re comfortable, close your eyes. Visualize a gentle stream with water flowing steadily and leaves floating downstream. Notice your thoughts and feelings and for every one of them, imagine placing them of a leaf and watching it float down the stream. Spend a few minutes observing the stream, placing the thoughts and feelings on the leaves. When you’re ready, you can open your eyes and bring your attention back to your surroundings.
4. Anchoring: Grounding in the Present
Anchoring helps you reconnect with the present moment, reducing the power of intrusive thoughts or overwhelming feelings.
Try this grounding exercise:
Name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. The more specific you are, the more grounding the exercise becomes. This simple practice can bring you back to the here and now, breaking the cycle of rumination or worry.
How to Live with Purpose by Clarifying Values
Unhooking isn’t just about letting go. It’s about moving towards what matters most. Taking time to clarify your values can give you a compass to guide your actions. Even when thoughts and feelings try to pull you off course, your values can lead you back on track so that you’re living with purpose.
There are generally 5 main areas of your life: Family (intimate relationships), Friends, Health, Career and Spiritual. For each of these areas, ask yourself
- What kind of person do I want to be?
- What do I want to stand for or be known for in these areas?
- What small actions can I take today that align with those values?
For example, if you value connection, reaching out to a friend might feel scary but meaningful. If you value growth, stepping outside your comfort zone might bring discomfort but also fulfillment. If you value living a healthy lifestyle, choosing to prepare a nutritious meal or go for a walk (or go to the gym) might feel inconvenient but is ultimately rewarding and energizing.
Self-Compassion: Your Secret Weapon for Change
Some people may have a negative connotation with the word self-compassion. Think of it this way: If you’re going through a hard time in your life, would you want a friend who tells you to shut up and stop whining? Or would you want a friend that empathizes with what you’re going through? Most people will choose the second friend over the first one.
As you practice unhooking from overthinking, it’s essential to be that second friend to yourself. Know that you will get hooked. It’s part of being human and what you’ve habitually been doing in your life. The goal isn’t perfection but progress.
When you notice yourself getting hooked, try saying:
- “It’s okay to feel this way.”
- “I’m doing the best I can.”
- “I can choose to refocus on what matters.”
Self-compassion creates a safe space for growth and allows you to move forward without shame or self-criticism. This is part of living with purpose.
How Therapy Can Help You Unhook and Heal
If unhooking feels overwhelming or if your thoughts and feelings significantly impact your daily life, therapy can be a powerful tool. As a trained therapist, I can help you:
- Identify patterns of getting hooked.
- Develop personalized strategies for unhooking.
- Explore the deeper “why” behind your thoughts and feelings.
Therapy isn’t about fixing you. It’s about empowering you to navigate life’s challenges with greater ease and confidence. Connect with me today to get started.
A Final Thought: You Are Not Your Thoughts
Your thoughts and feelings don’t define you. They’re simply a part of your experience, like clouds passing through the sky. By learning to unhook, you can create space for meaningful action and live with purpose.
It’s not about getting rid of difficult thoughts or feelings. It’s learning to live alongside them while staying true to who you are and what you value. You have the tools to move forward. It starts with awareness, acceptance and a commitment to the life you want to create.
Thoughts and feelings aren’t the problem. It’s the overthinking and what you do with those thoughts and feelings when you experience them. You can choose to try to run away from them, you can choose to get hooked by them or you can choose to allow them to come and go without a care.
FAQs
Being “hooked” means getting caught up in unhelpful thoughts or overwhelming emotions that control your actions. Instead of moving toward your values and goals, you get stuck in cycles of rumination, worry or avoidance.
ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) teaches skills like defusion, acceptance and mindfulness. These tools help you create distance from unhelpful thoughts, accept emotions without judgment and refocus on purposeful, value-driven action.
ACT doesn’t eliminate negative thoughts, it changes your relationship with them. You learn to notice thoughts like “I’m not good enough” without letting them dictate your actions. Over time, this gives you more freedom and reduces the power of overthinking.
You can try simple ACT tools such as:
Defusion: Add the phrase “I’m having the thought that…” before a negative thought.
Anchoring: Use grounding exercises (5 things you see, 4 you feel, etc.) to return to the present.
Acceptance: Visualize placing thoughts on leaves floating down a stream.
These practices help create space between you and your thoughts.
Overthinking often leads to lost time, strained relationships, missed opportunities and moving away from your values. Staying hooked can leave you feeling drained, stuck and disconnected from living with purpose.
Values act as a compass when your mind gets noisy. By asking, “What matters most to me in this situation?” you can take intentional steps, even when fear or doubt show up. This helps you live with greater clarity and meaning.
Unlike traditional talk therapy that focuses heavily on reducing symptoms, ACT emphasizes living in alignment with your values. Instead of fighting thoughts, you learn to accept them, defuse from them and act with purpose, even when emotions are intense.
Yes. A therapist trained in ACT can help you identify your patterns of overthinking, teach personalized strategies for unhooking and support you in clarifying your values. Therapy gives you tools and accountability to live with more resilience and purpose.
Judy Wang, LCPC, CPC offers telehealth therapy sessions in the cities of Chevy Chase, Bethesda, Potomac and all of Maryland. She is also available to see clients in Nevada and South Carolina. She sees adults and teenagers struggling with trauma, OCD and all forms of anxiet