Your thoughts and feelings are important aspects of who you are as a person. Without thoughts, you’re brain dead. Without feelings, you’re alive but probably living a monotonous life.
Sometimes we can become overwhelmed with anxiety by our thoughts and feelings, which lead us to make choices that that distract and take us away from who we want to be or become.
What does it mean to be hooked by your thoughts?
Some people appear to be good at not letting their thoughts take over but others are not. Sometimes these thoughts can lead you down a rabbit hole; ruminating and feeling anxious about things that may seem important but it actually takes you away from who you want to become.
Here are some ways you can get hooked by your thoughts:
- Thinking about the past
This involves ruminating about things that have happened. You’re reliving your past, dwelling on painful memories filled with regret and idealizing a rewriting of what your life could have been like if something did or didn’t happen.
- What if-ing the future
We’ve all been there. Your anxiety increases as you think about something happening or not happening; anticipating all the things that could go wrong which means you don’t do anything.
- Reinforcing core beliefs
These are the thoughts that you have about yourself. They can be negative such as I am bad or unlovable. They can also be positive such as I’m better or smarter than you. But they are thoughts that continue to be reinforced by what you choose to focus on.
- Thinking of excuses
There are many reasons to be given as to why you do or don’t do something, which keeps you from actually doing things that are important. Excuses can be valid but where do they take you? You want to make new friends but the excuse is, I have anxiety. You want to have a better relationship with your partner but the reason is, you’re too tired and don’t have time to work on relationship issues.
What about being hooked by our feelings?
Sometimes feelings and emotions can overwhelm you, especially for those who were never allowed to feel their emotions. Meaning when you cried you were told to “suck it up” or “don’t be such a baby” so you learned ways to stuff down the feelings. Now you continue to do those same things or find other ways to emotionally detach yourself from your feelings as a way to avoid them. This only lasts so long before the dam breaks.
And if you were to allow yourself to feel or the dam breaks, it generally comes out as anger. Anger towards yourself by repeating (i.e. reinforcing) those same comments to yourself. Or anger towards others by lashing out, yelling, screaming, throwing things and maybe even getting physical with another person.
So, how do you unhook from your thoughts and feelings?
- Awareness. You need to become aware that you’re allowing yourself to be hooked, driven and controlled by these thoughts and feelings. It’s easier said than done but with some introspection and questioning of your intentions during times when you haven’t been productive, can be a start.
- Acknowledgement. The feelings and/or thoughts are going to be there. Some times “fighting” against it can be helpful as typical CBT therapy teaches you to ask “what proves it to be true“ and “what proves it to be false.” But if that becomes too much of a struggle than it’s just knowing the thoughts and feelings are there but you don’t have to focus on them.
- Acceptance. This means accepting these thoughts and feelings are there. But to be clear, accepting is different from believing in these thoughts. Acceptance means allowing for these thoughts and feelings to be present and letting them freely come and go while continuing to move forward with your life.
- Therapy. Seeking a professional therapist can help you disentangle from these thoughts and feelings. At the same time, a therapist can help you figure out the “why” of things without getting lost in ruminating.
Thoughts and feelings aren’t the problem. It’s what you do with those thoughts and feelings when you experience them. You can try to run away from them, you can get hooked by them or you can allow them to come and go without a care.
Judy Wang, LCPC, CPC offers telehealth therapy sessions in Nevada, Maryland and South Carolina. She sees adults and teenagers struggling with trauma, OCD and all forms of anxiety.