We all have an inner critic, that internalized voice inside our heads that criticizes and belittles our actions, abilities and self-worth. While it can sometimes push you towards improvement, more often than not, it worsens your anxiety and depression. Understanding and managing your it can be helpful to developing self-compassion and mental well being.
Understanding Your Inner Critic
Perhaps your inner critic started out as a harsh motivational speaker, pushing you to keep going and do better. It may have initially sounded like “Why can’t you get anything right?” and “They’re so much better than you” but now it’s progressed to “You’re not good enough” and “You’re a failure.” Although it started out as trying to motivate you to improve, its initial assistance has passed its usefulness and is now keeping you stuck in a cycle of negativity.
Origins of Your Inner Critic
Your inner critic isn’t inherently malicious. It most likely developed as a misguided attempt to protect you from harm and failure. After all, if it’s telling you that people are better than you, you’re less likely to put yourself out there and therefore keep yourself from rejection. It may seem like it is helping but only in the short term. In order to break that cycle of negativity, it can be helpful to examine its origins.
- Early Influences – Harsh and critical parents, caregivers, teachers and other authority figures can give the inner critic its initial verbal model. Even well intentioned feedback can be internalized negatively.
- Peer Interactions – It’s common to compare yourself with others, especially during formative school years, which can reinforce feelings of inadequacy.
- Social and Cultural Messages – Media, social media and society’s expectations often encourage standards of success, beauty and worthiness that are unattainable. This external influence can intensify self criticism.
- Person Experiences – Even your own setbacks and mistakes can reinforce your inner critic’s negative message.
Strategies for Managing Your Inner Critic
Addressing the inner critic involves self-awareness, cognitive restructuring, and self-compassion. Here are some effective strategies:
1. Developing Self-Awareness
Being able to identify what is going on internally with you is the first step to managing your inner critic. This means paying attention to what your thoughts are telling you. This is so you can gain clarity on how you actually think about yourself. In addition, as you
2. Challenging Your Inner Critic
Once you are aware of your negative thoughts, the next step is to challenge them. How true or false are these thoughts that you’re having? In answering these questions, you’re basing them off of facts and not assumptions and absolutes.
3. Practicing Self-Compassion
Start by being mindful of your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Your inner critic was there to initially help you. You can acknowledge that but also acknowledge that you’ve outgrown its helpfulness and move on. To model new thoughts, ask yourself what would you tell your friends? And that those same comments towards your friends and direct towards you.
4. Seeking Professional Help
When you get stuck in the cycle of negativity, it can become necessary to seek a mental health professional to address underlying issues. Therapists can often shed new light on your circumstances and help you manage your inner critic.
Managing your inner critic is a journey that requires time, patience, and consistent effort. By fostering self-compassion and challenging negative thoughts, you can quiet it and build a healthier and more supportive inner voice. Doing this will also help to decrease your anxiety and depression.
Judy Wang, LCPC, CPC provides mental health counseling services to teens and adults struggling with trauma, OCD and anxiety. Telehealth therapy services are available in Nevada and Maryland.