What is a ruminator?
Webster dictionary defines a ruminator as one who ruminates or muses; a reflective thinker characterized by quiet contemplation. A ruminator is someone who thinks about things, events, life, etc. People who ruminate can be seen as deep thinkers. This can be a good thing but it can also be a symptom of anxiety and depression. It is when deep thinking becomes overthinking that leads to anxiety and depression.
This article will speak more about ruminating as it relates to anxiety. My clients who come see me for anxiety, have a tendency to excessively ruminate. Connect with me to learn how I’ve help them.
What does a ruminator look like?
It looks like a person who is living in the past or the future but not the present. It means thinking about what they should have, could have said or done on events that have passed or thinking about all the “what ifs” of any upcoming events.
Although ruminating, in itself is not bad, it can become maladaptive when it becomes out of control or leads to anxiety and depression. All things in balance is good but when it gets out of balance it’s not so good.
How do you know if you’re a ruminator?
Do you ever miss out on things that are said when having conversations with people. For example, you’re at dinner with friends and they start laughing at something but you have no idea what was said that is so funny. If this happens more often than not, you could be a ruminator. Or do you ever replay events and interactions with people that happened in the past? Taking the example from before, after dinner with friends, you go home and you think about what you should have said, shouldn’t have said or what you could have said differently. You may also think about the way a friend looked at you, didn’t talk to you or what a friend really meant by a comment they made. If you do this more often than not, you’re increasing the possibility you’re a ruminator.
Ruminators also think about the future. This usually looks likes “what if” thoughts with “what if this happens or that happens, etc. An endless thinking of all the possible what ifs that could happen or not happen. Again, taking the example from before of dinner with friends. The “what ifs” start can start days before meeting up with friends. You may think, what if this friend starts fighting with that friend? What if this friend is not happy or can’t make it? What if there’s a long wait at the restaurant or what if the car breaks down? The “what ifs” thoughts can be about anything and everything related or semi related to the dinner.
All this internal thinking can also lead to lost time because minutes turn to hours as ruminators are thinking about things. It’s like sitting down to read a book but having not read a page after an hour has gone by. Where did the time go? It went to ruminating.
It can lead to missed opportunities and stagnation in life. There is no progress or forward movement because there is a stuckness with ruminating. Some people who have difficulty falling asleep can stay up for hours ruminating on the day’s events or the next day’s events/activities.
How do you stop ruminating?
Here are some suggestions to stop or decrease rumination:
- Become aware and acknowledge you’re a ruminator. As mentioned before, lapses in time is a big indicator. Find out when you tend to ruminate; mornings, evenings, when stressed, when something has happened or all the time.
- Break the cycle with something distracting. Engage in an activity that takes your attention away from ruminating. The best activities are those that require mental and physical engagement.
- Engaged in mindfulness activities, like guided meditations, deep breathing or grounding techniques. These are helpful in teaching you how to focus and live in the present moment.
- Try problem solving for ruminations that are triggered by a problem. Break down the problem into manageable steps and then take those steps to deal with the problem.
- Seek support from others. Reach out to family, friends and mental health providers to help give guidance and a different perspective on whatever is causing you to ruminate.
- Take care of yourself. Get enough sleep, exercise and eat well.
Breaking this cycle of rumination will take time and patience. It won’t be overnight but you can stop this pattern of thinking. If ruminating is negatively impacting your life, reach out to me for more information on how to stop.
Judy Wang, LCPC, CPC provides online therapy session in Maryland and Nevada. She works with individuals struggling with anxiety, OCD and trauma.