In life, it’s easy to cling to what we know. Things that are familiar feel good even if they aren’t healthy. By remaining in your comfort zone, opportunities may pass by but also allow unhealthy patterns of behavior to fester.
Comfortable But Unhealthy Work Environments
I recently had some conversations with a couple of my clients about their job satisfaction. Unfortunately, they were not satisfied with their jobs. Whether it was because of demanding unappreciative supervisors or a position in the company with no growth opportunities, they admitted to not being happy working in their current company. Interestingly enough, they did not apply for other opportunities either. In fact, they were not even looking for job openings.
As I explored this deeper with them, it came out that although they were not happy with their current jobs, they were comfortable working there. They knew what to expect, they knew their co-workers and had made friends there. Their work environment had become familiar and with familiarity, they had become complacent.
Familiar But Unhealthy Relationships
The same goes with relationships. How many of you have been in relationships that are unhealthy and remain in those relationships for way too long? Whether the relationship has become stagnant and each partner takes the other partner for granted or there is abuse happening in the relationship, many people stay because it’s become familiar. Those “red flags” that appeared and were dismissed or excused in the beginning of the relationship; you’ve become used to them. Not only are you used to them in the way you related to your partner but also to what’s happened to your nervous system.
Unhealthy but Yummy Comfort Foods
When you think about comfort foods, what comes to mind? Cheesy pizza, French fries, ice cream, fried chicken, potato chips, soda, etc.? Or maybe you think about McDonalds, KFC, Wendy’s, Waffle House, etc.? Comfort food is individualized for each person. But the common denominator is that it’s either really fatty or sugary. You can take a step back and realize that food with lots of unhealthy fats or loads of processed sugar is bad for you but these foods are called comfort foods for a reason. They make you feel comfortable and it’s familiar. I’m not saying indulging in these foods is bad but if they’re impacting your life in an unhealthy manner (i.e., heart disease or diabetes), you may want to consider making some changes to your eating habits.
How to Get Out of Being Comfortable
If you’ve come to realize that being comfortable is not helping you progress in life, you may be wondering how you can break free from it. Here are some tips.
1. Gain Insight
Gain insight. It’s important to find out how these patterns developed. In addition, knowing how long these patterns of behavior have been happening can be helpful too. Working with a mental health professional can help you gain deeper insight.
2. Take back your nervous system
Whether it’s food, a chaotic work environment or an abusive relationship, your nervous system has been hijacked. Learning how to get yourself out of fight, flight or freeze can help regulate your nervous system so that you can start making changes.
3. Imagine the future
We all think things will get better without change but the reality is that it will not. Ask yourself, can you live like this for the next five years? If no, then you have some choices to make and these choices need to start now and not tomorrow. See my blog post on Choices: A Fork in the Road for more about choices.
Staying comfortably stuck might feel safe, but it often limits your potential and keeps you from living a fully enriched life. By recognizing the limitations of your comfort zones and taking deliberate steps to break free from them, you open yourself up to a world of possibilities that can lead to greater personal and professional fulfillment. Don’t let the allure of familiarity prevent you from achieving your true potential.
Judy Wang, LCPC, CPC, LPC is a counselor in Maryland, Nevada and South Carolina. She provides telehealth therapy and works with teens and adults who need help with managing their anxiety, OCD and trauma.